Can’t Back Down Ending


Forever seems like a long time but as long as I have Corey and we have our corgis we are just fine. Eight years. That is how long we have been together. Eight fucking years. Can you believe that?

It still excites me.

When I think about it, I know that we are gonna be just fine. It is worth it in the end. And love is always the ultimate prize. Look at me for Christ’s sake. I came out of a bad childhood. In a tiny ass house with 10 people that gave a shit about no one but themselves.

And I made it. So that should bring forth the truth. No matter how hard things are, it is worth it in the end.



Having a husband is great. But the day we adopted Terri and Greg things got a lot better. And a lot more complicated at the same time. Dammit to hell. We have been busy. I have turned down working these days to stay at home. As for Mitch, he has a job running a bakery and that is bringing a smile to his face. It takes this kind of thing no matter what.

It is just a matter of putting things together. But this is what it takes. What the future holds for us, I don’t know. It is just amazing what time can do for us.



I don’t like how the future has shaped us. Here I am, in this bed, facing the most lethal of things in life. Coughing up blood and doing what I have to do.

Ernie says I should just stay calm. That I should write what comes to mind and let it flow. He says it is worth it. He says it is for the best. Why me? Why did I have to end up on my death bed at 22? I don’t know.

My heart hurts so much. My head hurts. So I sit back and let myself get calm. Let time fly by me. Before long, I take my last breath. And then I go.

Ernie sheds his tears and gathers a doctor. But it is too late.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 32


When I get out of the house, I head off to work and get the job done. Thank god for it being a weekend. I only work until noon on weekends. Only a good four hours. And I don’t work Sundays. So I have today and tomorrow. Not that it matters much.

Getting home just after noon, I turn to the bedroom to find Corey lying on the bed, petting his corgi. Hamby is lying on the other side of him.

“I come home and you are petting bitches huh?” I ask with a laugh.

“You caught me. The only thing that would make it better would be letting me pet you,” Corey replies.

He is ballsy.

At that point, I rush onto the bed and we start making out. The corgis know where to go with their daddies wanna be alone. They do it and one of them pulls the door shut with the string I put onto the bottom of the door. The dogs are very well trained.

When the door is closed, we have happy fun time—we fuck like bunnies—and a while later, I hear the sound of them knocking on the door with their paws.

I press the button on the remote control and their doggy door opens up. They come rushing in and cuddle up to us before we crash in bed.

Come morning, we are up and Corey is off to his future and I am off to mine. Working hard, we do what we have to before we come on back to the house. At the house that evening, we get dinner done and hang out with each other for a while. A little kissing here, holding hands there, and a little bit of playing with our corgis before playing with each other before we end up back out like lights and sleeping like babies. It is nice to have that kind of comforting life. The kind that keeps going.

And that is what it comes down to. Just going one day at a time.

I love it. I love how well things are working out. It is just how it works out.



So we end up heading off to the courthouse the next day after work. Getting the paperwork done and having the judge marry us so we could marry each other. A simple courthouse wedding is all it takes. And that is what it is coming down to. This is forever for us. This is forever who we are and we like it this way.

The moment we get home, we make sweet love on the couch, in the bedroom, in the shower, and the kitchen. Yeah. We are stupid and horny like that. Don’t hate just because you want that kind of thing.

When we pass out, I look at our hands holding each other, the rings on our fingers and know that we are happy. We are facing forever. That might be fucking hard but I feel like we deserve it.

It comes down to doing what you have to do. To having the world ready for what you bring forth. And that is what it comes down to.

Come morning, we head off to our jobs and face life one step at a time. I find it amazing that I have a shit ton of gifts on my desk. Most of the gifts turn out to be for the both of us. So I set them aside long enough to get work done. At the end of the work day, I bring them home in the vehicle and bring them inside.

“What the hell is all this?” Mitch asks with a smile and some shock on his face.

“Turns out people know about us getting married. It’s wedding gifts for us,” I tell him.

The two of us sit back and start working hard on getting the gifts open. And as we do it, I start filling out thank you cards that I bought after work. I figure might as well. At the end of it, we put up all the stuff and stack up in a box the thank you notes. Figure might as well keep them ready for that next day of work.

In the end, I know it is not gonna matter. I know it is just a matter of going one step at a time.

We head off to bed with the hopes the next day will be as exciting as the day has just been.



I don’t know what it would take to bring forever together. But I want forever with Ernie. He is my rock. He is my everything. He is the most amazing man I have ever met. And that is what it comes down to. It just takes a matter of pushing forward and moving on when things get tough.

Lately Ernie and I have been having a shit ton of a spats over stupid stuff but I know it is just the two of us stressing out. We need to be on our own. It’s almost like he needs to seem masculine around his sisters to feel like a better man.

That is how it all turns out. This is just the beginning of what could become worse or better. I don’t know what it takes but I know it won’t be long before things get easier.

Sitting back that night with Ernie, I hold his hand.

“What would it take for things to be better with us?” I ask him.

“I don’t know.”

“Would us living alone help things? Start working on making everything better? Slowly? One step at a time? I don’t like seeing you stressed. What would it take? Anything?” I ask.

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

Hell yes. We are getting somewhere. It’s about frigging time.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 31


Taking his hand, I get up and head off with him on a walk. His hand is warm compared to mine. I like that about him. God only knows what the future could hold but at this point, I’m not gonna question it at all. But I know without a doubt nothing is gonna change what is going on. Nothing is gonna stop what we have going on here. But it is for the best. It is what it comes down to at times like this. And I am so thankful for that.

The more we talk the more we talk about what could come about in the near future. And the thought of growing old with Corey brings a smile to my face. He is a kind, honest, hardworking, beautiful soul that is turns out to be a pre-med student. One that shares a shitty ass apartment. Poor guy. At least he has a dog that can keep him calm in times of panic and then some. It might just be time to figure things out.

Time for us to think about whether or not we wanna date. He still has another four years of school. But I feel like I want forever with him. Does that make me a bad person?

“Look, I really like you,” I say.

“I like you too.”

“I wanna grow old and spend forever with you.”

“Me too.”

“Would you wanna live with me instead? The four of us could be happy together.”

“Who’s the fourth?” he asks.

“I have a corgi too,” I reply.

He laughs.

“Hells yeah. I would love to live with you. If you need help with bills just let me know.”

At that point, we head back to my place where we gather into my van and head over to his apartment. There we gather his stuff and he says goodbye to his roommates before heading back to my place with me.

Turns out he doesn’t have that many things.



Turning to him in the rocking chair on the balcony of our apartment, I glance at the beautiful man that I have been with for just about ever and know what I wanna do. This is what it is all about. This is what it comes down to. This is the moment that makes it that much better. I just hope he says what I hope he will say.

When he turns to me, I tell him, “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Same here.”

I drop to one knee and whip out a ring from my pocket. When I think about it, I realize this is the first moment to forever. It doesn’t come around to me as a surprise. It shouldn’t since I’m the one making a move.

“Marry me?” I ask.

Tears stream down his cheeks. It doesn’t come as a surprise when he says yes. I slide the ring on his finger and we go forth from there. Kissing, making love, that kind of thing. Moving it to the bedroom, I strip him of his clothes and make sweet love to him. He calls out my name with every few thrusts. It doesn’t surprise me when he blows but I don’t stop. It’s not over yet. Not at all.



We head back home and watch some science fiction movies that get Ernie’s blood pressure boiling in excitement. God only knows what it would take to bring him to fever pitch but I don’t wanna think about it. Getting that done, we head to the room in a matter of time. Getting things together and doing what I have to do in order to do what I wanna do. That is what it is all about. That is what it takes in today’s world.

That is not what it is all about. It is a matter of time before I make things happen. God willing I need to make things happen. What does it take to make things happen? I don’t know.

Sitting back, I watch him get excited and then some. I cannot help my eyes becoming glued to his ass. That tight nerdy ass of his. That is the one thing that keeps me questioning what is wrong with me.

That is what it comes down to for me. That is what it worries me. Almost pisses me off at the same time. I hate that I am addicted to staring at his ass but love the sensations that it brings me.

Fuck it. I pause the movie and pull him into the bedroom. We get onto the bed where I pull out the lube. I strip him of his pants and yank down mine. I need this. And I can tell he wants this.

He bends over on the bed and puts the lube on and into his hole. God he is so hot. I love my nerdy boyfriend.

When I finally get out of my clothes—I tend to wear skin tight clothes—I press my cock between those tight cheeks and into that slick hole of his. God yes it feels good. This is what passion is all about.

Thrusting in and out of that hole, I listen to him moan for me. Begging for more. Wanting more. It turns me on. Gets us both closer and closer until we both explode. And just like that I have to do laundry.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 30


I gain control over myself and soon after I glance back into those eyes of his. His corgi climbs off my lap and heads to his owner soon sitting opposite from where I sit on the bench.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

I am nervous if you cannot tell. When I glance away from him, I take a moment to gather my breath before I turn around.

“I’m fine. Just nervous is all,” I tell him. Why did I just say that to him?

I don’t know but I’m pretty sure I’ve already made a bad impression on him already.

“That’s fine. I’m nervous too,” he replies and holds out his hand. Its shaking slightly from the nervousness he carries on that fine body of his. Corey is a beautiful guy. He could do anything for anyone if he wanted to. But instead, he wants to talk to me. Meet me. Get to know me.


Why would someone as fine as he is want to date someone like me? The bumbling idiot that lives for his corgi and just does what he has to do to survive?

I don’t know. But I’m sure at some point he will tell me everything about it. About what is on his mind. When I turn back to him, I catch a hint of his body cologne. Strong, smells like peppermint, and icebreakers. Good stuff. I love the scent.

“Would you wanna go for a walk and talk a little bit?” he asks. I think about it for a moment before I reply.


He stands up and clips his corgi’s leash to confirm its tightness and control before he holds out his hand. I worry that he will make fun of me for being nervous. A bad habit of mine I must break. But it is understandable due to me being a shy person to start with. I mean look at what I have gone through. Who I have dealt with. Can you blame me?



This is what forever comes down to. This is what it takes to bring every step closer and closer to doing what we must do in order to have what we want.

I get up the next morning and get off to work after providing a kiss to my partner. I think about taking him to the courthouse and putting a ring on that finger of his. After all, with how long we have been together we might as well be a married couple.

But that is not something we can handle right now. We have little to no downtime and don’t even get me started on finances. I’m on the verge of making some cutbacks but it is up to what both Mitch and I decide. Getting through work, I don’t say much other than asking a few subtle questions about some things that confuse me.

When I get off work that evening, I head to the house and we sit down on the couch with a large plate of pizza rolls for the two of us. Sometimes the best dinner plans are the ones that are simple, sweet, but romantic at the same time. We watch a little TV as we pop a pizza roll into each other’s mouths.

“What do you think of us making cutbacks?” I ask him.

He nods and turns to me. “I am glad you brought that up,” he replies.

We dive into a nice deep conversation and before long we start making a list on a legal pad with a pencil of what we need and what we don’t need.

Some things we need are things like: electricity, water, AC, gas, etc.

And then we list what we don’t need: cable TV, top of the line things.

Then we make a new list of the stuff we need to get that could help us out. It might be a stretch but I believe we could pull it off. We have the smarts the caring, and the intelligence to make it happen. The strength to take down what needs to be taken down and face what needs to be faced.

We are stronger for doing so and I believe it will help us tremendously. No more almost drowning in bills. No more issues with certain things. No more worrying about breaking things down.



Four amazing people cross paths with us and make light conversation. We make intelligent conversation back to them, offering words of kindness, and then some before they head off. Before too long, there comes a heavy chill in the air so we head back home. Back to the apartment.

I worry that Ernie might have a problem with me not wanting to work at his sister’s business anymore. I worry that he would hate me for it. But I know I have to bring it up soon. If I don’t, then that makes me look like a total jackass. If I do bring it up, it might hurt and bring more issues to the surface but at least I wouldn’t look like a total puss about it.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 29


At the meet up spot, I sit back and worry about what it could turn into. Could I end up being raped? Would I be fooled? Or could it be someone that I have known all along that just wants to know me better?

I don’t know but the more I wait the more nervous I become. It surprises me that nothing could come out of this. I just don’t know. I just worry too much. God help me I don’t know if I can handle this kind of thing. I don’t know what to think. My hands are shaking. Thank god for the heavy jacket I have plus the protection I come carrying.

I don’t trust people. So I keep pepper spray with me as well as a Taser. The first time I used the Taser it scared the shit out of me. I won’t lie. And it is rather loud. But I feel safe knowing that.

Keeping myself alert, I wait for the man to come around.

“Pembroke get your butt back here,” I hear and look down to see a corgi coming my way. One that I have never seen before but it is so cute!

“You are a precious baby, aren’t you?” I say to the corgi as it walks up to me. It jumps onto the bench, steps onto my lap as I sit back and lays there. It drops its head onto my hand and looks at me with precious eyes that melt me right off the bat.

Using my free hand, I pet the little Dinkins as it wags its little stub.

The little sucker has me wrapped around its paw and it doesn’t or does realize it. Dammit I cannot stop staring into those precious eyes of its. Then I look up at the owner and find he has just as beautiful eyes.

“I’m Corey. What’s your name?” he asks as he sits down.

“I’m Ike,” I reply. He looks at me and smiles. Flashing off a million watt smile of his. God he has me weak too. Thank god for his corgi on my lap and me sitting down. Otherwise, I would probably do that awkward melting and shaking legs thing until I hit the ground.

That would be really awkward. Then there would have to be a 911 call followed by me being checked out by hot EMTs that wouldn’t make for good relationship partners.

But this guy…damn he can have me. It’s that easy.



Nothing can steer us wrong in this race of life. Day after day I do my job and day after day I come home exhausted to have a partner that I love take care of me. He has taken to being a house fiancé.

Yes I did put a ring on it. Smell that finger Beyoncé. Getting home from work that evening, I find him standing at the doorway with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. “Because I missed you so damn much,” he says.

I give him a wicked kiss that leads to some over the couch bend over hot, moaning sex. And once that is done, I take the flowers and put them in a good sized vase to be free.

It doesn’t take too much when it comes to us but that’s just fine. Mitch and I love each other. We are happy together. And those that don’t like it can suck it.

But not all good things stay around. I worry about him sometimes. He works his ass off at home while I do at work. I don’t know what he’s up to since he has quit his job to stay at home.

But at this point I just don’t really care. Things are what they are. And I’m just glad to get things out of the way.

As we work on eating the dinner he has made, I wonder what I wanna talk to him about anymore. We have spoken of it all. Does that make me a bad person when I have nothing to say over a meal other than the measly compliments that fly out from between my lips?



Ernie and I have come to the point of just living our lives. We don’t do anything major, don’t weird each other out, nothing like that. On occasion, we spend time together. A simple walk in the park, catching a movie, going out to dinner. Just the two of us. And it turns out just fine. I don’t much think about my job at this point.

Just a matter of sales. Going here. Going there. Putting stuff on shelves. Getting it done. It’s just a job. That’s just how I see it. Don’t like it? Sorry to hear that.

This is who I am. And I don’t change for anyone. At least, that is what I used to tell myself. It is just as well though. Things will swerve around and change everything just in time.

As Ernie and I take a stroll that night, we latch onto each other’s hands and figure things out one day at a time. I know this is just how it goes but I cannot help feeling like this is about to get a lot more interesting.

Like something is likely to happen. A nice night stroll in the beautiful city. The lights we pass dance like twinkles across Ernie’s fine skin and adorable eyes. The whiteness of his eyes seems to turn deep and foggy like a mist for a moment only to clear up.

When we get to the bench by the water, I sit down and he sits next to me, putting our jumbled hands on my lap. Resting them on my thigh. I glance out at the view and take in the breathtaking sight we have before us.

This is beautiful. Just like he is.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 28


Sometimes you have to do something outside of your comfort zone to understand how it is. And though I don’t wanna go out and date someone I know that I have to. I know that it is time. I cannot spend the rest of my life reading Stephen King novels—yummy, love them—and cuddling up to sleep with Hamby.

So I gather my strength and keep moving forward. No matter how hard it is. No matter how tough it is. I have to keep going. I can’t back down. If I do, I could ruin my life and everything that I have made it through. All the dates, all the thrills. All of it would be for nothing.

And that is the last thing I want going on. In the meantime, I sigh and sign up for a few chatting sites. The kinds of chatting sites that allow you to date from your electronic device. I get those filled out and get that done. The moment I start scrolling, I get a message on 2 of them. Works out for me in this case. Just better to get through this and get it over with. Oh well. Just pans out for me that way.

I delete one of the messages because the person just wants a sexual connection and I cannot handle that kind of thing. I don’t like how it all turns out but I like how quick and easy it is. The more I get the more I end up deleting. Going into the preferences on my profile, I change up a few things and update it.

Before long, I’m getting fewer messages but more conversational ones. Kinda works out for me. That much I’m glad about. The more I chat with this one guy the more I find out just how amazing he is. We chat for hours on end.

Even when I’m at work we are messaging back and forth. The more we talk the more we get to know each other. And finally after a month of talking back and forth we set up a date and place to meet.



It surprises me how things turn around. It doesn’t change and when it tries to, I am shocked at what they turn down to.

I don’t know what it would take to bring things around but I know without a doubt that Mitch and I will never give up. I find myself wondering what the future could bring. What it would bring. But I find out nothing is ever the way we think about it is.

Getting up that morning, I look at our finances at four in the morning. Yeah. I’m stupid like that. Getting through the pages, I start putting them in the right containers. The more I get done the more I wake up.

And when I’m done, I come to realize something. We need to get out of this apartment. No work today. Not on my schedule or anything. When I get done with that, I start making breakfast and toss on a pot of coffee.

After that is all said and done, I sit back and wait for Mitch to come around.

“Morning love,” he says and puts his arms around my waist. I turn my head for a brief but passionate kiss before breaking away from those lips of his. I toss some breakfast onto a plate and hand it to him. He takes it and pours 2 cups of coffee, taking one before heading to the couch.

And I handle the rest of the food. Getting that done, I sit back on the counter and eat the food that I have prepared. Besides. I would look like an ass if I don’t eat what I make. I mean that would just be stupid.

Getting through that and putting the leftovers away in the fridge, I sit back on the couch and watch a little TV with Mitch before we decide to hit up a bookstore. There have been a few authors that I have been curious about. It might be time for me to hit them up and find out what things they write about.

People at work have been hounding me to read Brandon Mull, Brandon Sanderson, and even Robert Jordan. Sure all three authors write fantasy and sure Brandon Mull writes nothing but young adult but to me that just means it would be a break from all the adult literature. And frankly I need something to do on my days off and during my breaks at work.

I don’t like being on my cell phone too much because it can kill some major brain cells. Better to read then to obsess over a damn phone screen and become dumb as dirt. That’s not the kind of guy I am. I work hard for what I do and I don’t hesitate to bring my best foot forward because I’m not a club foot kind of guy.

I’m not the kind of guy that likes hitting up the clubs. I’m not a movie kind of guy unless I’m curious and most of the time I end up disappointed. What I am is the kind of guy that lives to breathe and lives to read. That’s a little cheesy but that is just who I am.

Take it or leave it, I honestly don’t care. Because this is the kind of person I am.



One thing I know about my partner is that he is such a nerd for a major reason: he lives for those RPG games. I’m talking D&D kind of games. The one with the 20 sided dice and the game board and the scenarios that blow someone’s mind. The kinds of games that go until six in the morning and the players leave soon after to go to work.

I don’t know how people do it. I don’t know how Ernie does it. But it does help that he sucks down a lot of sugar. But that is also a bad thing. He knows about sugars. About the good sugars and the bad sugars. And sadly when he plays those rounds of scenario RPGs, he ends up surviving off bad sugars.

When I get up that morning to get ready for work, I hear the sound of snorting, laughing, and then some. It’s kinda weird to hear that first thing in the morning but I know what is going on. He has had one of his long nights overnight kind of games again. And I just ignore it because hey…what can I do?

When I get done with the shower, I hear shuffling feet into the bathroom. He strips down and joins me. I glance at the floor before he closes the door. Of course he had a cloak on and then some. He might as well be Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings. But I’m not gonna question it. A part of me thinks it’s weird as hell. The other part of me thinks its wicked hot. This is why I love having a nerd for a partner. He has his life and I have mine but in the end we love each other.

That’s what it comes down to. You can fight, bitch at each other, swing your arms every which way but in the end, you are just you. If you can find a way to love them at the end of the night, then you are a true couple. If not, then you have a lot of work to do. That’s not a good thing.

These days I don’t care what people think about my boyfriend. Hell I would marry him if I could afford the ring. That’s it. That’s what I could do. We could get engaged. Hell, we’ve been together for a year at least if not longer. That would be the perfect way to show that I am all in committed to him other than you know living together.

Can’t Back Down Chapter 27


Work gets done for the week and I head on home after cashing my new check. I put the money aside for bills into my checking out from my savings and cash the whole check. I need to get stuff. Hamby can be a pain in the ass with his excessive food habit but I don’t have much room to complain.

Most of the time I end up just munching a little on a pint of ice cream and watching chick flick movies all the time. The girl always gets the guy in one form or another. Ask me about How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and I can quote the damn thing.

I will never however touch Sex and the City. I might be gay but I’m not a fag.

Sitting back, I flip through channels until I come across a show about a guy named David Tutera. He is kinda handsome and takes care of himself but after a little bit I start dissecting what the hell his problem is.

He is so much like the women that he works with it makes me sick. And just like that I don’t wanna go about watching that show anymore. He is so dramatic. He is the definition of a fag. Someone that gets a fake ass spray tan.

That is not who I am. I have Hamby, I take care of myself, and I know I don’t need a man. Just me, Hamby and Stephen in the house. Stephen King that is.

If only I could ever meet the man. That would be the ticket to the good life.

Get to sit down and have a conversation with him. That would be amazing.



When we get to our days off, Mitch and I party it up. We sit back on the couch watching crappy movies. We head out and go to the mall for a bit of shopping. We get things done and paid for. And we have some fun. Why? Because that is the kind of people we are.

We are simple. We are awesome. Hear us roar.

And don’t even get me started on how addicted we are to Katy Perry and Demi Lovato. Love them!

The more we listen to music the more we make asses of ourselves. I am so thankful that I don’t have that fucking wheelchair anymore. So thankful I can walk again. No more bedsores. No more having to fight with large wheels. To hell with that.

Turns out, Mitch is one hell of a mechanic. My car has been fighting with me tooth and nail. Sucks to be me but turns out we might have to buy me a new car. Or a better used car. One that isn’t a lemon. One that isn’t a piece of crap.

That would be nice.

We start glancing at cars online and driving around in his vehicle to keep an eye out for a vehicle that is worth a damn. That would be great but not working out too hot for us. After a little while, we refill the gas tank and head right back home.

Thank god for 100 buck a month apartments. Love them.



The more time we spend together cuddling the more comfortable we get. We work hard and save up for what we need to get. A larger bed. One that could be as big as the honker ass ones that most would find in the white house or the royalty castles. That would be nice.

We head to the mattress store and start laying on different sized ones. Thank god for being smart and saving up like hell. A good two hours later, we head out in Justiss’s truck holding two mattresses down. 2 box springs in the back of it.

We head to the house we four now live in and move the beds into the right rooms. Just mattresses box springs.

When I get to our room, Ernie is standing on the bed in his underwear and nothing else. Jumping on it. Kinda looks like fun.

I kick the door shut and start bouncing on it with him. Before long I have him pinned against the wall kissing him deeply.

The more we kiss the more sensual it gets. Sure it leads to monkey sex once, maybe twice. Okay three times. You caught me. Geez. Stop with the third degree.

But can you blame me?

He is a hot sexy nerd. That is not easy to come by. Trust me. I have figured that out on my own.